I CANT WAIT FOR MIAMI/DISNEYLAND/THE KEYS
(Source: disneystore.com, via emilynoel)
WOW, WALK MUCH?
EVEN IF YOU DIDN’T SMELL LIKE A JACK DANIELS TRUCK DROVE THROUGH A FERTILIZER FACTORY THE WIGGLE DANCE YOU’RE DOING JUST TRYING TO GO IN A STRAIGHT LINE PRETTY MUCH SCREAMS “I’M WASTED.”
I KNOW YOU’RE UPSET ABOUT NOT GETTING THAT PROMOTION BUT IT’S 12:30, MAN. YOU NEED TO SLOW DOWN. LET’S GET YOU SOME BURGER KING OR SOMETHING.
HELLO, AND WELCOME TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD, YOU SLUTTY SLUT. WHAT’S THE PROBLEM TODAY? YOU WANT A SLUTTY MAMMOGRAM TO DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT YOU’VE GOT SLUTTY BREAST CANCER? JUST KIDDING, OF COURSE. YOU’RE HERE FOR AN ABORTION BECAUSE NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES IT’S MATHEMATICALLY PROVEN THAT LESS THAN FIVE PERCENT OF OUR TOTAL PROCEDURES ARE ABORTION, EVERYONE STILL BELIEVES THAT ALL WE DO IS GET RID OF YOU AND YOUR ARMY OF HIPPIE BOYFRIENDS’ SLUTTY MISTAKES, YOU BIG OLD SLUT, YOU.
SLUTEVER, AM I RIGHT? TAKE A SEAT OVER THERE AND WE’LL SEND SOMEONE OUT TO DO A PROVOCATIVE SEX DANCE BEFORE WE GIVE YOU SOME NUDIE MAGS AND NIPPLE TASSELS. I HOPE YOU DON’T HAVE ANY LEGITIMATE HEALTH ISSUES BECAUSE THAT WOULD RUIN OUR NONSTOP SLUT PARTY.
NEXT, PLEASE.
